I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
