Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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