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i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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