yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The struggles of a small town man whore
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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