from now on my penis is your penis
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
