update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
