Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
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His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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