I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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