well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
