she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
