As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
