so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
