all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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