I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he just fucked me for my cheese..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
