I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
