yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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