We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
