Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
