and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
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I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
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I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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