I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
