i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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