I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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