dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Randomize
