i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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