well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
