I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
