Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
