Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
