I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I AM VODKA MAN
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
