Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
