and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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