No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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