k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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