you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
