I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
