nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My penis needs a shock collar
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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