I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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