I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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