Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
