I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
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My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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