in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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