Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
