found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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