Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
