How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is Oprah even human
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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