my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
