I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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