Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
