DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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