He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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