i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
