Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.