I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...