I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought