Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize