We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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