i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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