My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
