I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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