I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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